Who I'm Not
by Jet Wolf
Summary: Luna wished she could see them as Artemis did.


**Notes:** Welcome to a much-overdue series of updates. This was written on my Tumblr for Promptvember 2014 (which was unfortunately life-intruded and so currently uncompleted.)

This prompt was: _Luna, Ami. No one is good enough!_ What I wound up writing wasn't entirely this, but I was pretty pleased with how it came out, particularly with regards to my own headcanons for Luna (and why she's sometimes kind of terrible).

 _(19 November 2014)_

* * *

 **Who I'm Not**

Sometimes Luna envied Artemis.

She confessed it once (only once!) when yet another Senshi meeting devolved into mindless drivel that THEN devolved into an impromptu sleepover. Artemis had found Luna perched on the roof of a building opposite the Shrine's living quarters. Through the window she could see the Senshi watching a film, doubtless some badly-written nonsense to showcase popular, attractive people.

Artemis hopped out of the tree and landed next to her without a sound. "It's a nice night," he said in that wistful dreamy way he had about him.

She hated that, and said so with a disgruntled noise and silence.

He didn't react to it, instead sitting comfortably next to her and watching the show. Minako had just run out of popcorn and was eyeing Usagi, waiting for the perfect opportunity to steal from her bowl.

"It's good to see them enjoying themselves."

Which was, of course, the exact wrong thing to say.

"No it's not!" Luna could feel the fur bristling on her back, and it only spurred her on. "There's a new enemy out there and they need to be preparing! Not wasting their time like this!"

"What would you rather they waste their time on?" Artemis chuckled to himself, thoroughly enamored of his own turn of phrase, but still able to lean back just enough to miss the swipe of Luna's claws. Utterly unrepentant, he continued, "They're young, Luna. They're growing up fast enough as it is."

Luna glared at Artemis, but he was too busy watching the Senshi below them. Minako timed her strike perfectly and managed to scoop half of Usagi's remaining popcorn into her own bowl while Usagi was swooning with Mako over the on-screen romance. When Usagi noticed her diminished food supply, she immediately accused Rei of grand theft snack, and the shouting match between them was echoing across the otherwise peaceful courtyard. Mako and Ami were doing their best to calm the situation, leaving Minako with free and open access to everyone's popcorn, an opportunity she was thoroughly abusing.

It washed over Luna and left her feeling sick to her stomach. They had been charged with the most sacred of duties, given a second chance, and this is what they were doing with it. Queen Serenity had given her life for them. Queen Serenity died for them while Luna had watched, crying and pleading, helpless and desperate. Queen Serenity died alone and in the grips of failure and grief and sacrificed herself for them all.

And Usagi was repeatedly hitting Rei in the head with a pillow.

Luna had to look away. She focused on the rough texture of the shingles between her paws, tracing over the bumps and gouges, and tried to ignore the fragmented memories playing in her head.

They weren't good enough. No one was good enough.

"I don't know how you do it," she said in a harsh whisper. She felt like crying and knew it showed in her voice. Typically she'd cover it by snapping at Artemis, but she just couldn't find it in her. "I wish I could see them like you do."

Artemis didn't take his eyes from the girls. He sat like a proud parent, watching the popcorn fly into the air as Minako was dogpiled for her rampant thievery. "Try seeing them for who they are instead of who they're not."

He had said it kindly, but still Luna felt her temper flare and she whirled toward him. "I always—!"

But Artemis was gone, and Luna was left with her words balled in her throat.

How dare he insinuate she didn't know who they were? Luna knew exactly who they were! She'd been forced to accept who they weren't.

Usagi was certainly no Princess Serenity. Luna's beloved Princess had been a charming, graceful, and dignified young lady. The shriek Usagi was belting out was entirely of her own making, Luna could see thatquite clearly!

Proud Mars have her Princess in a headlock? Certainly not! Luna had been dealing with the firestorm of Rei since Sailor Mars was reborn, and knew very well how Rei was tempestuous and arrogant. It was impossible to not see who that girl was, she announced it with her very presence!

While Luna watched, Makoto hefted Minako under one arm and tried to broker some kind of peace. Jupiter would have already put a stop to this foolishness with a roar and thunder. Makoto was lovely, but an unfocused dreamer. Did Artemis think she couldn't see that?

Minako. What was there to say about Minako? Venus had been a born leader, dedicated and decisive, the glue that bound the Senshi into the fierce guard they were. Luna took in the bickering chaos below her, took in its thrashing blonde source, and felt her scowl deepen. Oh Luna saw perfectly well, thank you!

Then there was Ami. Ami was—

Luna's mounting tirade slammed to a halt.

Ami was … perfect. Well perhaps not perfect. She was sometimes too soft-spoken for Luna's tastes, and Luna did often worry about Ami's stress levels. But these were minor things, and then borne of love and concern.

What of Mercury? Luna realized with great surprise that she had to be more specific. When she thought of Sailor Mercury, the person who came to mind was not the cool, sometimes acerbic warrior she knew on the moon, but Ami Mizuno, the kind and thoughtful girl Luna had come to adore.

See them for who they are instead of who they're not.

Slowly, as though waking from a deep sleep, Luna looked again.

In the center of the mess, Usagi was giggling. She was surrounded by the people she had drawn to her, who she so loved and who loved her in return.

With a final shake of her head, Rei stood Usagi upright and straightened her bunny-themed pajama top. Despite having seen it hundreds of times before, Luna was struck in that moment by the fierce devotion that underscored everything Rei did.

She saw the comfort and security Mako always carried with her as she gathered the group together in a voluminous hug.

Luna couldn't hear what Minako said, but she heard the results as the girls erupted into laughter. Minako hadn't created chaos, Luna realized, she'd created memories. Memories that would bind them far closer than duty alone ever would.

Perhaps they weren't "good enough". Perhaps they had always been better.

It wouldn't be that simple for her, Luna knew, but maybe she could finally start seeing that instead.

The moon was full and bright, and the Senshi were alive and laughing. Luna let the sound ease her mourning.


End file.
